doku | VISIONS I HAD BURIED UNDERGROUND / RETURNING TO ABUSE US

'Classically gifted.'

[There's something about it that smells like bullshit. He doesn't think she's lying, at least deceptively, but it might just be that he has a distaste for something to be a classic gift. What changes the world if it's comfortable enough to be considered classical?]

Yeah.

[He takes a sip of his water to take pause; even then, there's a moment for him to figure out how to say it--what kind of delivery Noriko would handle best, given that she seems to take his history of addiction to heart.

In the end, he struggles to keep eye contact with her as he explains it.]

My parents were...really, really religious. They didn't really know how to handle the schizophrenia thing, so they kept trying exorcisms. I started using to self-medicate out of desperation--and it made the exorcisms a lot more tolerable. Once they figured out what I was doing, they kicked me out.

I have a sister, too. We talk every so often, but we're kinda distant. My parents had her only to make up for their first failure, and unfortunately, she knows. Left home when she was eighteen.

[Yeah. That's the sugar-coated version.

Another sip...]

...Maybe we should visit her.

[She can only shrug at that - her brother is barely into his young teen years, he likes composing and the classical genre as a whole. He's not very concerned with changing much of anything except maybe his entire wardrobe on any given day. But they're not here to discuss the intricacies of her family, though she can't claim that listening to Krieg is any easier than him telling her.

Nariko maintains some form of calm, but she winces at the mention of the drug use, and it's almost like someone's physically punched her when he mentions his sister. ... Making up for the first failure. Krieg's sister and her little brother have a lot in common, it seems.]

Hey, if you need to talk to her then we absolutely should. [His past drug abuse does hit her, it's painful to hear about, it's difficult to even imagine someone as strong and focused as Krieg addicted to that shit. It's even worse to realize that he's probably as strong and focused as he is because of what he's gone through. Rather than pity him or coddle him with affection, which might easily come across as patronizing, she can at least focus her fretting energy to something like this.]

You still have to get your stuff set up, and we'll need stuff for new tracks anyway. We can work on all that in the meantime while visiting!

[Nariko is not at all aware of how overbearing her support might seem, but she's earnest and truly well meaning about it.]

Yeah, maybe. I haven't seen her since rehab.

[He really doesn't mind the overbearing support. He was exposed to all kinds of different support during his recovery, and they're all welcome. After all, being clean isn't a destination, it's an ongoing journey.

For her to be supportive, even if it is a little intense, is exactly what he needs to maintain that strength and focus she admires him for. Especially if they'll be spending the foreseeable future together as partners.]

I'll see if she'll let us camp in her driveway just enough for us to get a plan going.

Perfect! So, we still need real food and to go shopping and then we can be on our way, right?

[She wouldn't admit it easily but a little break from all the insanity will be nice, and hopefully restart her brain. Having a goal, whether it's personal to her or not, is great for the sake of focusing. But there's one lingering concern and since they're sort of clearing the air, apparently, she tries to say it delicately.]

So, as far as the other part - the whole schizophrenia thing - I mean, is there anything to know concerning emergencies, or is that a - y'know. [She lifts both hands up in a sort of 'woah, okay' weird gesture.] 'I don't need to worry about it' kinda thing.

Basically. I want to drop by the condo one last time, just to see if the lawyer left me with anything.

[He shrugs.]

You know all you need to about the schiz. [He holds out his arm and gestures to one of his bracelets, one with an engraved plate woven into it. There are certain parts of his look that remain consistent--like his rings, bracelets, necklaces, and the sleeves or bandages he keeps on his left arm to hide the track marks and bruising--and this is one of them. It's basically just ID, contact information, his medications, and medical issues.] This is what the experts need to know in the worst case scenario.

But what do you know about seizures?

[So, basically in case of emergency make sure that bracelet is there so that EMT people can do their job. Yeah, that's simple enough that even Nariko can handle it. But the mention of seizures catches her off guard.]

They're scary. [And probably pretty damn terrifying for the individual experiencing them.] But it's, you have to turn people on their sides, because there's a big possibility of choking or biting your tongue or something.

[...] If E.R. lied to me that's not my fault.

[She binge watched it at thirteen, okay.]

[Thirteen-year-old Noriko has an interesting taste in television. He huffs a laugh.]

You've got the right idea, at least. Clear the area, don't try to hold me down, call the ambulance if it lasts longer than three minutes.

But honestly, the most important part is to stay calm. I know it's scary to witness, but the last thing I need to see when my head comes back to me is Noriko freaking out. For what it's worth, I usually know when they're coming on, so I can give you heads-up.

Hopefully they'll be less common now that we'll actually get to have control over our sleep schedules.

[Knowledge is power here, because if she hadn't thought to ask or if he didn't go ahead and tell her and it happened? Yeah, she would have flipped her shit and been crying and sobbing the whole time, even when he came back to. It would have been horrible. Now? She might only cry a little bit, and will still be able to kind of smile when he's fine.]

It'll be alright. [Hopefully. The last time she had to deal with something incredibly traumatic she didn't talk for an entire year, so. They'll have to see how it goes.] I'm gonna say that I didn't know there could be an actual warning, though.

[But speaking of sleep schedules!] By the way, are you a heavy sleeper, or?

Sometimes there isn't. Most of the time I can feel it coming on by a few hours.

[He is genuinely worried about how she'll handle it, though. It can be pretty scary to the uninitiated.]

I sleep like a rock. Despite all the other shit wrong with me, at least I know how to get through the night like a champ. How about you?

[They can only see what'll happen! It'll probably be fine.]

Mm, I'm sort of okay. [What does that even mean.]

If I do wake you up though and it's a nightmare or something, just shake my hip or whatever. It usually doesn't take much.

Mm. You have a hard time with nightmares?

[What is this, vulnerability volleyball? Maybe there's a greater reason why the two of them ended up meeting, even when working for opposing companies.]

Not as much as I used to. [Bullshit, but she can only handle so much truth in one day.] I did the whole therapy thing but every once in a while it happens. Scared the shit out of my band mates the first time it happened.

[And if it could unnerve the most stalwart of her past band mates it was fair to warn him about.

And if they're playing vulnerability volleyball he still wins by miles.]

I could sleep through a nuclear blast if that's what it came to. Still...if I catch you, I'll wake you up.

[Winning or not, he's still a good sport about it. Here he is talking about all the stuff wrong with his head and still taking Noriko's own problems quite seriously.

Because nightmares can be terrible too. He's had enough bad trips and the fucked up dreams he had while cleaning up.]

You wanna come with me to pick up what's left at my condo?

[He really is. It's one of the many, many reasons Krieg is so great. All the same she's happy to move onto something a little more positive and grounded in what they can control.]

Sure, if it's not weird having me there. After that, can we go grocery shopping?

[Because they're gonna need food, especially if his sister lives in a different state or something, and they might essentially be taking a little road trip.]

Yeah. You wanna start a list on the way?

[He stands up and starts to head out of the trailer, standing aside once he's back on the ground.]

...I imagine I'll be doing most of the cooking, but I'm open to requests.

I don't want to set this place on fire, so I'm gonna say that's for the best.

[She is sorry to put the responsibility on him but if they eat out or something she'll pay!]

I'll eat anything as long as it's not blinking back at me! Bloody and a little raw not counting.

[With a little grin she follows and practically hops out of the trailer.] At least you can trust me to drive responsibly!

[And often, hopefully, one of the more boring parts of being a musician was being driven everywhere, never getting behind the wheel herself.]

Good, we're on the same page.

[It means he can maintain his ridiculous diet without any complaints from the rest of the party.]

In that case... [Krieg holds out his keys to Noriko.] You want to give her a spin?

Yes!

[Those keys disappear so quickly that she might create mid-air sparks.]

Just tell me where to go! [While she unlocks the truck and gets herself up in the driver's seat. If there's a saying about short people and really big cars then it's incredibly fitting in that moment. Not that it'll get in her way, while Krieg joins her she adjusts the seat so she can see everything properly and they can go.

This is like mid-Christmas for her.]

[Given the huge difference in their sizes, she'll end up taking a lot more time adjusting the seat than it takes him to program the address of his former condo into the GPS on the dashboard.

A few minutes into the drive, he asks:]

So, what do you think? About the truck.

[It's a nice, but not brand-new, model. It's got a few miles on it but it's in great shape, and perhaps most importantly?

Climate control.

Still, it's the first time he's bought a vehicle on his own, so he has very little confidence in whether or not it was a wise choice or not. All he knows is that he's saved money by not buying a brand new one, but did he save enough?]

Reliable brand, purrs beautifully, and there's no problem with the trailer.

[It's a good choice! She doesn't pick up on any lack of confidence, though, it's an honest opinion.]

She'll last for years, and might as well be part of the band.

[Duo. Group. Whatever, man. The car is nice.]

Can we name her Desdemona?!

[Don't let her name shit, Krieg, it's a horrible idea.]

Sure.

[Sorry, man. Krieg is big into Shakespeare and does not exactly have a history free from bad decisions.]

--Shit. What are we gonna call ourselves?

[His favorite skillet will be named something like 'Pickle' and he will only have himself to blame.

But wow does he have a point.][So eloquent. Much grace.] Well. That's.

[...]

I have no idea.

We have time to think about it, I guess. Maybe we should find out what kind of music we make together before we decide on a name anyway.

[She goes unnaturally quiet at that, there's something on her mind and she doesn't want it to come out negatively.]

We'll be able to, right?

[Musical chemistry was a thing, sometimes it was there, sometimes it wasn't. The idea that it might not exist between is weirdly terrifying. She'd considered the idea of playing manager, sure, but to not pitch in with anything, and to always push down that part of herself would be horrible.]

...won't know until we try.

[He gets what she's trying to get at, but to be fair:]

It can't be any worse than the nonsense I had to put up with in my old band. Gaige and I got along great, but some of the others...I still wonder how we managed to work things out.

[Probably because they had to under duress.]

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