doku | VISIONS I HAD BURIED UNDERGROUND / RETURNING TO ABUSE US

I'm not a glasses kind of guy, Nariko...

[He's more, you know. Leather and gasmasks and chains ~~and ballgags~~.]

I'm going to imagine it no matter what you say.

[And she's not going to apologize for that! ... Ballgags, though?]

You'd kinda look like that hot teacher with tattoos that everyone wants to fuck.

Edited 2016-03-19 04:03 (UTC)

[Yep.

Ballgags.]

That's a...pretty specific fantasy. Is that a "thing"?

[Krieg wouldn't know, because he dropped out in middle school.]

[Amazing.]

I mean, it has to be. [She looks up and squints at the road ahead of them.] ... If it's not I might have made a terrible mistake when I was thirteen.

[Well, to be honest.] Not that terrible, I guess, but still. It's good to knock things off your bucket list, I suppose.

[She goes back to writing. If Krieg would like to nope right out of this line of conversation that's perfectly fine, she won't drag it out.]

[He has to keep his eyes on the road, but he keeps looking at her like she's going to elaborate. When it's clear that she's just going to leave it at that...]

Come on, you can't bait me with a story like that and just leave me hanging.

[She looks up and raises a brow at him.]

I mean, it's sort of like a bad porno. I was hot for the guy and I didn't give up until we fucked on his desk. I think that was, like, his first year teaching, too.

[She waves a hand before going back to writing.] He was one of those silent, kinda scary looking guys. Everyone was terrified of the guy, but back then I enjoyed getting a rise out of people for the sake of it, dude might as well have had a target on his back that said 'all of my desperate thirteen-year-old fantasies'.

[...oh, maybe that was exactly what he was suspecting.]

What. You didn't even wait until he was tenured? He could've lost his job for that.

[Krieg? Chastising someone for doing something reckless? Hell must be freezing over.]

[She gives him a deadpan sort of look, but since that might not be enough to get her thoughts across:] I didn't care about anything but blowing that man until he couldn't remember how to breathe, Krieg. When I get like that I don't really give a shit about what might come after.

[It's a habit she hasn't quite broken, yet, but someone once told her the first step to forming new habits was recognizing you have a very bad one! So she's been recognizing this one for about, oh, three years!]

Besides, he didn't lose his job. Instead he called my mom and recommended 'serious' counseling, even though I ditched his class for the rest of the year he gave me a 'B' and I pretended he didn't exist after that.

[She rolls her eyes so violently that it's amazing they don't tumble out of her head.]

Shit...

[Forget being an animal, she's a real force of nature. No wonder the two of them had chemistry the very moment they met...

Still, the whole conversation has him feeling...odd. For a moment he's content to just let the conversation wane into silence, but he really can't let it go. His hand wrings the steering wheel a little, and figures...well, fuck it.]

You have a lot of sex, right?

[... The timing of that question is just amazing. And also kind of terrible. But since it doesn't sound like he's accusing her of anything, and there's no disgust involved, she might as well be honest.]

Yep.

[She's just going to leave it at that, since he's probably getting at something here, and he doesn't need the details anyway.]

[There's an abominable awkward silence that follows her answer as Krieg tries to figure out what to say next. How to admit it without...actually admitting it.]

Is it...

[Hoh boy. He clears his throat.]

Is it hard?

[The words about tumble out of her mouth, is what hard except it ... Clicks sort of quickly, not that she believes it immediately. He's not, there's no way! But then, no one ever asks that sort of question unless they haven't.]

It's sort of like riding a bike. [If he really is then she's not going to make him feel bad about it! If anything she feels a strange need to be as informative and helpful as possible.

Maybe it's because this might be one thing she's more worldly about.]

For a lot of people it's awkward the first few times, you have to figure it out slowly, but then you just sort of get the hang of it - it can be very instinctual.

[Is she handling this right? God, she hopes so.]

[It's nice to finally have someone he trusts to talk about this kind of stuff. Was he going to get it from his parents? Hell no. Was he going to learn it in school? Dropped out too early. Was he going to get it on the street?

No. He's crazy, not stupid.]

I guess I never really understood it. I've never looked at a person and went, "of anything else in the world, I want to have sex with this person." The idea seems cool and all, but I think...I think I've never felt like I trusted someone well enough to like...ask for it...or something.

[Yeah, he really does not get it.]

[It's almost a little disheartening because, well, she figured that might be the case for him. She closes her notebook and leans back into the seat, glances over at him.]

There's usually a few more steps involved. First you meet someone that makes you happy in a way that's different from normal happiness, just being around them can make you smile or feel kind of at ease with things, and touching them is exciting - even if it's just holding hands or cuddling. Sex is usually the result of an intense emotional connection that can't stay within the boundaries of friendship. Trust and respect and arousal are things that come with time, and supposedly the best sex is had with someone you have all those things with.

[But she doesn't exactly know what that's like, so if he finds out he'll be the one to school her on it.]

[Uhhh.]

That...doesn't really sound like the procedure that you used with the tattooed teacher.

[Look, he's not really calling her a hypocrite...okay, well, maybe he is, but it's mostly because what she's telling him isn't necessarily adding up.]

[She flushes a bit and keeps her eyes in check. It's a valid statement!! Doesn't mean she has to like it.]

There's two things about that though! First of all, teenagers are usually chock full of hormones and the overwhelming desire to masturbate. But then a lot of teenagers don't go through massive trauma [Like Krieg must have.

Other teenagers who have gone through considerable trauma apparently find a form of escape in being sexually objectified. Life's a tricky beast that way.] so they've got time to want to yank it a lot, and then do it with other people. [She says this part very gently, but without a hint of patronization. It's not his fault he went through it, but even Nariko probably would have stopped caring about orgasms if she didn't have somewhere to live and was on her own.]

The other part of that is, y'know, I've never fallen in love, but I enjoy sex. I like ... [Wow this is weirdly difficult to say now that it's coming up.] ... The physical part of it is great, but when someone's touching me it feels like I'm wanted and desired, like I can give someone something that makes them feel amazing. For a little while I have someone who can only think about me, can only rely on me, that I get to have to myself.

[WOW HER FACE IS HOT.] ... So for me it's just chasing a stupid feeling.

[That's...surprisingly introspective, coming from Nariko. That isn't to say that he always thought her to be the shallow type, because he doesn't, but he's fascinated to know that she's put enough thought into this to really understand where her head is, especially with something people would rather just take for physical satisfaction and leave it at that.

Plus, even with how awkward it is for Nariko to talk about, he really appreciates it.]

So what you're saying is, you'd rather find love the way it is instead of chasing down Specs McTats all the time? I mean...I've loved people before, and I still do, but I can't imagine having sex with them. They're too much like family. Real...family.

[Kinda sounds like you thought she was a little shallow, Krieg, but that's fine. A lot of people tend to assume it to one end or the other, including herself! Case in point, he puts it very neatly and yet she can't say he's completely right.]

I'm saying that there are people who aren't [Worthy] ... good at finding real, actual love. So sometimes all those people can do is be grateful for what they can have and just leave it at that.

[She draws her fingers over the cover of her notebook.]

But I think for a lot of people it goes the way it's supposed to. Maybe it's taking longer for you [She shrugs.] or maybe you don't feel a desire for sex. There are people like that, too.

[Nariko? Not good at finding real love? Why does she sound like she's settling for second best...?]

I know that it's normal, but...I still feel like I'm missing out on something that could be fun.

[He wants to try it, he really does, but...does he know the right person yet? He glances at Nariko briefly, wordlessly.]

[You can't settle for something that you probably deserve in the first place.

They look at each other in the same instant, or nearly the same one. Something about his expression kind of strikes her in a certain way but she doesn't question it beyond that one little second.] Well, if that's the case then why not give it a try while we're in Vegas?

[There's got to be at least a few nice girls who'll be understanding and easy about it! Nariko can probably find them!]

[Even though he probably should, he says nothing in response to her idea. He doesn't give a voice to his uncertainty about the whole idea, the self-doubt, the absurdity of it all.

But maybe he'll feel different about it in the heat of the moment.]

I guess.

[She probably shouldn't have suggested it at all. If he really wanted to give it a shot there were multiple chances, right? So for a long moment or two she accepts that short response, taps on her notebook. This is - She shouldn't! So she won't! Not entirely.]

You're never gonna know unless you try, and you and I also know that life can be too short to not know certain things. [Take a shot for every time she says 'know', shit. But, hey if she's going to run around being a little whore it might as well be for a good purpose. Samaritan whore!]

So ... Maybe it'd be - Easier with a friend.

[And you're sitting right next to one.]

Just, y'know, a thought! That's all, feel free to churn.

[Just throw her out the window it might be less torturous.]

Maybe.

[Yeah, he can't sit here and pretend he didn't see her checking out his dick when it was hanging out. But, honestly, who else would he trust? Some stranger? Of course not. Nariko has...in theory...more than enough experience to how how to handle and guide a newbie like him.]

I'm...not against the idea.

[A whole lot less against the idea than having sex with a stranger, that's for sure.]

[She didn't see anything!!!! ... And come to think about it he was lying next to her that whole morning and there was pretty much nothing in that department, right? Although maybe all that means is that Krieg isn't an undercover creep, or the sort of pervert that one has to be concerned about.]

I'm not either. [Shit, okay, that was obvious, why did she say that?] I mean, it's just - my first time was basically the most horrible thing. I hated every second of it, and it probably would have been better if I'd done it with a friend!

[Poor Jeremy, it wasn't all his fault but the guy could have stood to go a bit slower with her.]

Yeah. I've heard horror stories like that before.

[Which is probably why he's all hung up on doing it with someone he knows he can trust.]

Kinda...figured it might apply more to women than it would men, though.

[So why is he worried???]

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