doku | VISIONS I HAD BURIED UNDERGROUND / RETURNING TO ABUSE US

I guess so, it's a lot more physical with them, in that sense. [If you don't prepare a girl or take care with it then that results in the dreaded not-at-all-standard bleeding, which is scary.]

But the first time is ... Heavy. It's like having a bunch of energy and not knowing where to direct it, you can feel infinite and small at once, aware of the opposing nature but completely helpless to it all the same. And before you figure out how it's supposed to work those feelings can be terrifying.

[This is completely embarrassing but maybe it'll help to admit it:] I mean, I didn't - for the whole first eight months after I didn't even, y'know, finish. That feeling was scary, and I didn't want to experience something that would make me feel even more out of control than I already did, and was.

[This is a long, meandering tale, sorry Krieg.] I think that's something men can feel too. Maybe not in the exact same way, but similarly enough.

[The real kicker here, the thing she hopes he'll realize without her saying so, is that now she's a pretty sexually adventurous and free person, but even Nariko for all of her charm and slick moves was once a very embarrassed, shy stick of a girl. It was a bumpy and unsettling process - the sexual freedom was somewhat earned, in that sense.]

["Infinite and small at once." That sounds...really, really exciting, probably moreso than it's meant to be.]

Heh...that's pretty good. You should compose something around that.

[Imagine, Nariko, you now have the freedom to write all the songs about sex to your heart's content.]

That being said, uh...do you think you have to master the "basics" before you move onto kinkier stuff...?

[Eight months is a long time to wait before he can get to where he really wants to be. If this sounds like a leading question, well, that's because it is.]

[Well isn't that an interesting question.]

I'd think the 'basics' are just composed of feeling comfortable enough with yourself to want to try other stuff with your partner. [Except ...]

I mean, if you're talking about suspension and tying people up intricately then there is something of a learning curve if you're the dominant one. It's important to know how to do that stuff without cutting off circulation or hurting a limb.

[She's heard horror stories of her own, and experienced enough of that stuff correctly to appreciate how horrifying it'd be to have it done incorrectly.

............. He's a virgin ........ Already asking about kink ........] Why, is there something specific you wanted to try out?

[They're how many minutes into this conversation and he doesn't get an erection until she mentions suspension?]

It's, uh.

[Ooookay.]

The only way I've been able to get off. By tying myself up and...yeah.

[How, uh, specific.]

Edited 2016-03-20 23:14 (UTC)

[It's specific enough that she sort of gets the point.]

So you're into bondage. I think you pretty much answered your own question.

[Well, it was a leading question to begin with, so there's that.] Although, if that's the only way it's worked, vanilla sex might just be really boring.

[Yep. She got right to the heart of the issue without even trying.]

I mean--I don't want to get invested to get bored half way through, and--I don't think you're boring, Iko, but, just to get my blood boiling...

[Sorry for the rambling.]

But--if you're not into that, it won't be...good. For you, I mean.

[He doesn't really know how to talk it out but at least his heart's in the right place.]

[No, there was a little bit of effort involved, just like there's a bit of effort going into parsing this out in a far more complete manner. At least it's a stark enough conversation now that she isn't in her head so much.] All right, it's a lot easier to just start from the beginning here, so let's stick with 'yes' or 'no' answers if it can be helped.

[She is taking charge here, Krieg, just go with it.]

The curiosity is in regards to having sex with another person, to include some amount of penetration, right?

[Answer goes here.]

[Well she made it look effortless...to him! Look, she's like The Sex Whisperer in his eyes right now, okay, don't ruin it.]

...Right.

[What is sex without some kind of penetration? Heavy petting.]

And you think I won't enjoy any of it because you like being tied up to get yourself going? But if you go with that you're also worried you won't be able to get it, or keep it up, for lack of a smoother way to put it?

[She'd be pretty happy to know that it looked effortless to him!]

Edited 2016-03-21 01:19 (UTC)

Yes and yes.

[SEE? Look at how good she is at this.]

So wouldn't it make sense if I just tied you up and then just rode you?

[See, she knew that a solution would come to her if she talked it out a little!]

...More than enough sense.

[Oh my God, penis, do you mind? He's trying to drive here.]

Good!

[She's genuinely happy about his response! And then his, uh, 'activity' catches her eye. Nariko should be a good person and tell him to think about eighty-year-old grandmas pinching cheeks and talking about uncomfortable suppositories, that's likely to do the trick! But ...]

You know, it's very sweet of you to be concerned about my sex drive and all that, Krieg. But you have really nice arms, I've always thought so [The tips of her fingers grace over the curve of his shoulder, trailing down gently.] and I'll admit I certainly fantasized about them doing particular things to me. [Might as well admit it.]

But I think I'd love to see you done up with just the right amount of helplessness while I take your dick as if your life depends on it.

[Krieg - it only stands to reason that the Sex Whisperer is also Kind of A Tease. It's enough of a miracle that she leaves it at that bit of dirty talk, and draws her hands back to herself.]

[Come on, Nariko, you're not helping. Actually, on second thought, she's not really not-helping either. The dialogue is fine but unless she's saying them with braided nylon in her hands, it's not going to make him any harder.]

My life? Why is it my life? Am I the damsel in distress that can only be rescued by your magical twat?

[Huh.

He's starting to sound a little 'in stage character' there.]

[ ...

Ooooookay.

Okay, then.

How is she supposed to know how to respond to that? There's no basis to work off of that isn't biting, so her shocked (not even necessarily hurt) stare turns into an unreadable one and she turns her head to the window and essentially pretends that nothing happened. She's kind of stuck in the car with the guy so it's really all that's within her control.]

[Yikes. Too much? The awkward silence percolates a little before he speaks up.]

Sorry about that. Maybe we should, uh. Invest in a gag, too.

["Too" being that they don't really have any decent rope on board to begin with.]

I get a little...colorful. Unintentionally.

Maybe, yeah.

[What time is it.]

But, it's fine, so - [There's a fluttering sort of gesture with her hand that's apparently supposed to mean 'don't worry', or something. Now if only 'fine' could ever mean anything good from any woman, ever.] It was just surprising.

[Five-thirty.]

That's...part of the kink. Being told and forced to behave.

[God, he feels awful. He really didn't want to hurt her.]

[Definitely too early to switch.]

Makes sense.

[Which ... That's not her serving platitudes. It really does make sense, that was the general direction he'd started in so it's not like she could blame him. Or that she ever would, no one really gets to decide what they're into so much as figure it out with time.

Any hurt has she's experiencing has less to do with his words and far more to do with what's going on in her head.]

Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm alright. [Because he probably is, but they've graduated from 'fine' so this really is a good sign!]

Edited 2016-03-21 17:47 (UTC)

[Are you kidding? Beating himself up for stuff is like, one of the things he's best at! Other than composing music.]

Okay.

[Inhale. Exhale.]

...I don't think you'd be that fond of my arms if you found out what's under here. [he gestures to his sleeved arm. It's not so much that he wants to ruin her fantasy but it feels weird to have someone like your guns so much when they're such a point of self-contention. He works a lot harder on his abs to be perfectly honest.]

Edited 2016-03-21 19:07 (UTC)

Oh, man [Hey, at least she can laugh at herself a bit, even if it's a little bitter.] I think you're supposed to forget that I even said that!

[Except he can't do that anymore than she can swallow the words and unmake them. Life is hard that way.] I've always liked guys' arms, it's just one of those things. What you're covering is yours, and how I feel about it doesn't take away from how you feel about it.

[This is an incredibly awkward way of saying that he can think that what he's hiding is the end of the world all he wants, but for her it isn't. If she still had parts to cover, it's what she'd want a loved one to say to her, so - maybe it's a little bit of projecting.]

Oh, sorry.

[But the words exist! They live out there now, and she can't take them back! He gets the idea, though, and as much as she can't change his mind about how he feels about it, he can't change hers.

Unless he takes his sleeve off with the express purpose of grossing her out, and he doesn't believe that's really an option.]

For what it's worth, I like your arms too. [And her boobs, and her waist, and her legs, and her face, and her hips...]

[They're definitely out there, which is why she knows that if Krieg hadn't sort of picked up on some of her feelings before he either knows them now, or he's got a gigantic hint. She doesn't like either possibility.

Also is he just never, ever going to take it off? Dude you've got to clean yourself eventually and if nothing else, it's sort of a matter of time, right? But - he likes her arms, heh. It's - nice of him, she appreciates the little compliment.] Thank you, they're kind of plain.

[There's nothing special about her arms! The only notable positive is that they're pleasantly toned.]

But, hey, I was serious. [She finally looks back at him, and she looks perfectly normal, as if nothing awkward happened.] You have to know that I kind of shut down sometimes. It's just how I survived my house before I left for good, it's a difficult reflex to control, okay? We're fine.

[Oh, he takes it off. He has a whole set of these silly things, for all sorts of different purposes--swimming, cold weather, hot weather, looking edgelord. He just makes sure that he's absolutely alone when he changes it and the bandages (if needed).

Which will be hard now, considering they're in a trailer together. The concept of privacy really does not thrive in there.

And hey, not having flabby arms is nice.]

No, I get that--but I'm still worried. I'd never say anything like that to hurt you, but if we're--you know, doing it--I don't want to trigger you and kill the mood.

[Part of him wants to suggest that Nariko being the one in power, able to exact punishment on Krieg for saying those things in the context of good, clean, and well-intentioned fun, might help her work these things out.

But he's not confident enough in his knowledge of psychology to say it out loud.]

[So he might as well just get ahead of the game so that when she does see it's controlled shock!]

It only happens when I'm not expecting it, though, if I know what might happen then it's a lot easier.

[What she might really have to control is the desire to snap back - but that fits into his suggestion either way, and multiple people have brought it up to her, knowing her propensity for sex and her willingness to engage in safe kink affairs. But none of them have really understood how thoroughly terrified Nariko is of her own mostly repressed anger.]

Besides, I know you're not my mom. The voice is pretty different!

[Which is why she was able to collect herself a lot more quickly than she would have if he'd really set her off.]

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