doku | 　

Must've...figured wrong. It's not been...exclusive--sexually, I mean--I thought I explained the situation...

[And he can't compose whole sentences either. God, please don't let this be him digging his own grave.]

[She blinks, and tries to work out what he's saying around the scared buzzing in her own head. In the end she manages to put an approximate guess together quite neatly.]

So you've been having sex with other people.

[The whole time.]

[He wrings his hands.]

...Yes.

[It - of course it hurts. He'd mentioned multiple partners in the beginning, and there was the implication that it was as much of a need as a matter of pleasure ... But she just hadn't really thought about it, the whole time they'd been together.]

Oh. Okay.

[They were - it's not as if they'd even had a talk about being emotionally exclusive which, in all truth, is the more important component here. She shouldn't feel so hurt, or even vaguely stupid for not dating around on her end, too.]

You're still hungry, right? Let's go.

[In any other situation it would be a normal, loving smile - and it is in a sense! There isn't a hint of anger in her expression or body language! But when compared to what they were just talking about her usual cheeriness might seem a bit ... Creepy. Or forced, at least.]

[But he still sits there, looking like a frightened, caged animal. Boxer's not even entirely sure he remembers how to breathe. The forced cheeriness is just as much an indication that he's in the doghouse as anything else.

He swallows hard, dry.]

M-maybe I should...go.

[Like, go-go. Get off the boat and call it off. After a beat, he starts to crawl his way to the window.

The balcony window.]

[That he gets up to leave is interesting because she hasn't left his lap!! So at once she's on the floor and then he's ... Apparently trying to go out the window. Which would be incredibly alarming if it were anyone else ... Actually it's still pretty alarming even now.]

Boxer.

[It's going to be difficult but she gets a hold of him somehow whether it's his arm or his torso or his hip-ish area, and doesn't let go. Nariko is short but she's also a little stronger than one might think and he's at least got to feel her pulling at him.]

You're really going to leave me alone here?

["Try" should have been the operational word.

He really can't squirm out of her grasp--he's too dry and she's too strong, so he stops trying before instinct kicks in. His forearms rest on the floor, and he hides his face between them and his hands. To her question, he shakes his head 'no', unable to vocalize it because he's currently preoccupied by chanting DON'T INK DON'T INK DON'T INK in his head.]

[When he goes still she lets go almost immediately and moves up to sort of face him properly.]

If you're not, then why are you trying to throw yourself out the window?

[Let's start simple and work up, it might be the way to go.]

[He's still got his face hidden, and it takes him a second to get his voice back. When he does, it's cracking and warbling--words on the verge of tears.]

I didn't--I didn't want to hurt you. I thought you knew, I thought--I don't want this to be another failed one; you're too important to me...

Nothing has 'failed'.

[She reaches out to card her fingers through his hair very gently, and while her tone itself is also gentle there's a firmness there that can't be argued with. Nariko can't really help it, for as wildly as it contrasts her own feelings. When someone she loves is clearly hurt she can't do anything but try to be the strong one.] I am hurt, but that's my fault. I thought what we did was enough.

[But that was an assumption she made, wasn't it? An explanation she came up with that helped to keep her from lingering on the topic.]

Besides, neither one of us said it was exclusive, you haven't done anything wrong.

[They've spent a lot of time together, they're obviously on a trip together but ... Nothing is locked down until it is, right?]

[At the affectionate gesture, he tilts his head to the side just enough to look at her with a single eye. There's a slow blink, one that shows off both his eyelid sets.]

Almost daily...during the summer...

[He might as well be explicit now, right? If exclusive is what she wants.]

Every three days otherwise.

[Boxer sits up, but he slouches forward, his head hung low.]

We're going on a month-long vacation, Nariko...you've been my dedication for a while now. But if you want to sexually exclusive too...it's going to be demanding.

[Which means that he's going to initiate a lot, and there's not a whole lot of wiggle room to say no.]

The way we've been doing it, it's just...I always knew that you'd want it. With exclusivity, you won't always...

[Ugh, this sounds horrible, and he knows it.]

...have a say in the matter, one way or another...

Edited 2016-03-15 05:53 (UTC)

[It's awful that her first, natural response might be incredulity, because frankly the idea of that aggression, the lack of choice or at least the situation in which it would be difficult to object for a variety of reasons creates about the same reaction it has for years now - straight shot arousal that, if not for the far more important situation, would probably be dizzying for her. Who knew she'd actually be grateful for this heavy mood, because that's not a part of herself to be let out at all, basically.]

Mm. [That slouching, the lack of eye contact, it all worries her, but she has to give him room to go about it the way he needs to, even if it tears at her a little to see him devoid of his usual warmth.]

Is that to say you won't have a choice in how it starts, sometimes?

[Because she can't imagine the guy forcing a chicken to cross the road to save it's own life. So while she can certainly generate the fantasy it doesn't fit with Boxer as she knows him currently - which means there's something else, biological instincts or something, that she's not entirely aware of.]

Edited 2016-03-15 05:58 (UTC)

[He sits up a little better now, but he's still avoiding eye contact while he rubs at his shoulder shyly. He's not really sure where she's going with this line of questioning, but that's no reason to not answer as honestly as possible.]

I like making my choices before they don't become a choice anymore. [A beat.] So...yes, I'd say that's accurate.

[He has no idea that what she's thinking right now might actually work in both of their favors--he's too busy being ashamed and focused on making sure he communicates exactly what needs to be said to move forward.]

[She's quiet for a moment because this is too important a decision to be reacting on pure instinct. When she does finally come up with the right words Nariko lays a hand on his shoulder very carefully, mindful of the possibility that he might not want to be touched.]

Do you ... Want to be with just one person? It's a considerable change for you too, right? I'd understand if you'd rather things stay the way they are. [She actually doesn't, in the strictest sense, polyamory is a difficult concept for her to grasp, but open relationships aren't, and her feelings for Boxer are pretty clear by now - she's pretty much in love with him, enough to understand something difficult for both their sakes.]

I don't want you to feel as if you have to change something you enjoy to keep me around, that's not what this is.

[To be honest, her touch is comforting. Enough for him to raise his head up a little bit, but he's still avoiding eye contact.

What does he want? Does he really enjoy sleeping around as much as he does? In a physical sense, yes, but mentally...]

I just want to take the precautions so that no one ends up getting hurt.

[His tentacles not only have (literal) minds of their own, but he can kill a man with a single one without much effort. He has to use all of his self control so that he doesn't hurt anyone, and without his self-control, they'll take what they want when they want it, but he still has to take responsibility.

Getting "hurt" is only a blanket statement, too. He really does not need to be groping people when he's out picking up groceries.]

...but what you want is important to me, too.

[She considers that a positive reaction, if nothing else, so she squeezes gently, but then moves up to go back to sort of petting his hair, just because it's the easiest thing to do that won't involve pulling him onto her lap. And she really, really wants to do just that, and probably will in due time.]

I want you. I don't care about anything else. [Her voice cracks a little as she says it, it's the verbalization of an incredibly raw feeling, after all.]

The vacation can't exactly count, but why don't we give it a try? If it's something I can't handle then I'll tell you, and we'll [She shrugs, toys with his bangs a little bit.] discuss it from there. You need to be happy with yourself and feel safe, if that means I'm not the only one you have sex with then we'll figure it out. I'll make it work in my head.

[Because he's ... The man's just perfect, okay? And to lose him because of something he ultimately can't even help would be horrible, it might break everything he's helped her repair.]

Either way, it's upward movement, nothing bad is going to happen.

[So deep breathes, Boxer, she's not going anywhere. And you probably aren't either since she's likely to bolt the windows or something.]

Edited 2016-03-15 19:00 (UTC)

[With all the attention he's getting, it's hard not to put his head under her chin and try to tuck it under there. Which he does, but how successful he is at "tucking" is a matter of opinion considering their size difference.

There's a little bit of a smile on his face, and it comes through in his voice.]

For what it's worth...I wasn't expecting to need anyone else. Since we'll be spending every night together...

[Nariko has front row seats to observe the natural ebb and flow (mostly flow) of his libido.

He picks up his head to look at his little pool-bed. It's getting a little full.]

We should probably turn that water off and get something to eat.

[Even though he's very clearly bigger than her she thinks he's pretty successful, especially since she manages to get her arms semi-around him, squeezing gently. That he sounds a little better is an incredible relief.

Oh, yeah, they can't have the bed overflow any. She nods, and can't really help asking:]

Are we okay?

[The water can wait, like, ten seconds because she sort of needs the answer.]

[It's the thought the counts.]

Yeah. We're okay.

[Finally, finally, he lifts his head up and looks her in the eyes to offer her a weak smile. He's still feeling the aftershocks of raw emotion, but it feels good to have talked it out--or at least began the dialogue.]

Good.

[She trusts him and that smile, even though it means untangling herself from him so that she can stop the water and avoid flooding the entirety of the room. When that's done she finds his chair to bring it over, he can probably do it himself but she feels like doting right now.]

I believe we still have plans to make them regret that buffet style!

[And that's just the first part of their trip.]

[Speaking of chairs, has she made his new wheels for him yet or nah?]

Thanks, doll.

[There's a lot he can do himself, but it's really nice when someone offers to do it instead. He crawls up on it and covers his tentacle-lap with the blanket that was folded over the back of the chair.]

[Nah - but soon.

When he's settled she leans down to kiss his temple before getting them out of there. She's learned from their first date, and she's much better at getting him going without any real amount of effort. Off to the dining area they go! If anyone much cares about the sight of them she isn't really paying attention at the moment.

It's enough that they got over that little hill without getting into a fight or accidentally taking a break from each other. Hopefully that's the first and last time a guy tries to hop out a window to get away from her.]

[To be fair, the window thing is totally his fault, not hers.]

How's your sense of direction? We should probably take a tour around this ship once we're done eating.

[He's still kneading his hands a little, but he sounds a lot better.]

[Maybe so, but that was really ... She won't forget it anytime soon.]

Good enough that we might only have a ten percent chance of getting lost if I'm the one leading us!

[The hand kneading concerns her, let the record show it! But she restrains herself.] I think there's supposed to be a movie theatre on this thing too, and I'm not believing it until I see it.

[Who knows why it fascinates her so much.]

In that case, we'll be fine if we stick together.

[One of the really nice things about being pushed around is that he can watch the passing scenery in a way he wouldn't be able to take in otherwise, trying to avoid people's feet and nasty corners.]

A movie theater or a theatre-theater? For live performances. [OR BOTH???]

dunnit

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Sneaking in as many tags as I can right before work is hard

it's a tuff life

It truly is

Re: It truly is

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