[And she can't wear anything cumbersome either, because he won't let anything get between him and inappropriate touching, which would be peanut butter and jelly melding in costume-metaphor.]

Well!

[Horny, sleepy girlfriends are no laughing matter!

You have two options. Either I can make you come in here and carry you to bed, or I can carry you to bed now and make you come in there.

[Going to sleep horny is not an option, missy.]